gravity's failing me
by shwarmi
Summary: He needs stability. Dipper needs it, craves it, and can't function without it. And he understands the sick irony behind finding that stability in the place with the least stable people and the most insane shit he's ever had to deal with. / / cover image and au by frenchfrycoolguy / / probably a drabble collection of my antigravity falls feelings / / rated T for cursing


a/n: hi? uhhhh this was supposed to be a one-shot where i just wanted to talk about how dipper needs someone to bring him back to earth, but i realized that unless i wanted to come up with a fullblown plot, that i probs shouldn't and should instead just write a quick drabble about it. _anyway_ , this is meant to be the "before" in that one "antigravity falls" au on tumblr, and i might write various more drabbles about that au since it's one of my favorites in the series. who knows? my muse is a fickle thing. either way- enjoy crying dipper and maternal mabel :)

 _..._

" _Be the one to guide me,  
but never hold me down. "_

 _..._

 **D** ipper always had had an anchor to keep him grounded. First it was Mabel, then being the smart kid, the Author's Journal, Grunkle Stan (for a brief while, but still a while), and now it's just Gravity Falls in general. It's strange, after Bill was gone, but the place still has an almost gravitational pull to him. He's at school and he's thinking about what could be going on in Gravity Falls. He's at the dinner table and he's thinking about if and how he could convince his family to let him move there. He's on a blind date Mabel set him up with and he's thinking about how nice of him it would be to take care of Grunkle Stan in their older years.

It's rapidly all he thinks about, ever; he even dreams about it most nights.

So when Dipper is 17-going-on-18 years old and he yells in a explosion of repressed feelings and stress over school and college apps that all he wants is to go back, Dipper wonders how he could stand so long not admitting what he really wanted out loud for so long.

Mabel put a hand on Dipper's arm, "Hey, Dippin-Dots, it's okay- I miss Grav-"

Dipper pulled away, still shouting, "No! No, Mabel, Mabel, you don't _understand_! It's all I think about! It's all I want! I don't want to worry and try t-to go to some- I don't want to go to _fucking Oxford_ anymore! I want- I want to _go back_."

"Okay." Mabel said softly.

Dipper looked at her, biting his lip as he fought back tears, and he feels great and like shit all at the same time. _She's_ supposed to be the emotional one, _he's_ supposed to be calming _her_ down. But now she's looking at him like she would to a spooked horse, with a gentle tone, and soft fingertips touching the bare part of his arms, the side of his neck, the apple of his cheeks, as Dipper feels himself start to come undone.

"Okay." She repeats.

Dipper sniffles and wipes his eyes and his nose onto his wrist, "It's just…" He hiccuped, and inwardly cursed himself for letting his emotions control him.

"You hiccup like a kitten," Mabel whispers, joking and smiling as her fingers start to comb through the ends of his hair.

"Sh-Shut up," Dipper feels his lips upturn slightly at the old reference, "Yo-You _dork_."

"At least I'm not a nerd," Mabel shoots back, and Dipper appreciates it. He doesn't want to be coddled; he wants to admit his feelings and have everything go back to normal, that is, if he can't have everything go his way. Red eyes with bags, sniffly nose, quivering lip, he doesn't want sympathy. And Mabel doesn't personally _get it_ , doesn't get why he wants that ignorance of his emotions, but she does it for him anyway.

Dipper turned his face slightly to hide a part of it in Mabel's hand as he held it in place with his own, and with what part of his mouth is still visible, he sighs into her wrist.

"...I'm such a mess," He croaked out, "I have to be, to want to go back to that hellhole, don't I?"

Dipper doesn't look at her face, he knows that twisted look she'll give, the one she saves special for those self-deprecation moments, so he keeps his eyes trained on the wrinkles of her knuckles, the sparkles in her nails, anything but her _face_.

"You're not a mess. You're my brother," Mabel says, and Dipper wants to smile, her voice hasn't really changed since they were kids, but she found out how to get that special velvety and sugary voice their mother uses. It brings back memories of her wiping his face of mud and blood from those bullies on the playground, that tone she'd use when all she wants to do is yell and scream in frustration, but uses _that_ voice to get what she wants. Mabel uses it in the same way. It's a comforting tone; one of the few things that makes Dipper's shoulders drop and let the weight of the world fall off his back, at least for a while, until he picks it back up. "And yeah, you're messy… but you're not _a mess_ , Dipper. You're the adjective, not the noun."

Dipper looks at her finally, and is alarmed by how much she looks like their mother, so he glances away again as she keeps talking.

"The noun that you _are_ Dipper, is a genius. You're brilliant, Dipper, and yeah, sometimes you're really _dumb_ , but you're brilliantly dumb. And if you want to go to Gravity Falls and stay there, Dip? That's not something I'd put under the 'dumb things' you've done."

"...Really? Even after…?" Dipper trailed off, his brows furrowing; it wasn't supposed to be this easy.

"Even after everything." Mabel brought her other hand up to hold up his face, gently forcing Dipper to look into his twin's eyes. "If you think it'd be what's best for you, then I agree. When have you ever steered me wrong before?"

Dipper's eyes duck down, thinking of a lot of times he's done just that, but Mabel holds his head a little higher, making Dipper's eyes look straight back at her again.

"I trust you, Dipper."

Dipper's breathing grows shaky again, and he tries to hold his breath inside to keep it from making him burst into tears again.

Mabel understands, so she repeats herself, "I _trust_ you." And Dipper just can't take it anymore, so he lets himself sob all his pent-up emotions and _feelings_ out, lurching forward to hide his stupid red face in Mabel's shoulder, so she'll rub his back and let him listen to the steady beat of her heart, feeling it stay steady and not skip a beat, not lie to him, as she repeats herself like a chant, "I trust you, Dipper. I trust you. I trust you,…"

...

And that's how Dipper got the courage to get off the bus, three bags in hand as he looked up at the forever-intimidating trees. He could still see the eyes they formed, and his muscles tensed as he they reminded him of a specific one.

But then, Dipper felt an elbow force him to crash back down to reality, and out of the anxious and dark void of his existence.

"Hey, brobro, you ready? Everyone's expecting us!" Mabel smiled widely, armed head to toe in glitter and colors and smiles as she held up her own bags.

"...Yeah," Dipper breathed out, not realizing what he was holding it in. He smiled at her, a half smile, but a genuine one all the same. As he felt the soil underneath his soles, breathed in the rustic Oregon air, and saw the town just up ahead, Dipper realized with only slight surprise that they weren't anchoring him down to Earth anymore. And his smile grew a bit wider as Mabel grinned back, smile full of teeth, like she knew.

"I'm ready."


End file.
